Yuri on Ice on the Beach
by babyrhino
Summary: Sun! Sand! Sea! Summer romance! Ice skaters in swim shorts! Beach straw umbrellas and colourful cold drinks! Inflatable animals! Breaking the ice! Polishing social skills! Irritating fans! Danger! Tan! Ice cream! - Hot springs are awesome, but a beach episode has its own unique charm.
1. Chapter 1

"I've got to catch his interest for a moment, and then it will be easy." Yuri was observing his target from the water, his nostrils just above the surface, and his toes digging nervous circles in the sandy bottom of the sea. Slightly away from the crowd playing in the water, the only person whose interest he was attracting seemed to be the well-tanned group of heir psycho-fans, who had tried to break into their sleeping quarters the previous night. Luckily, the memory of the fight that Miss Baranovskaya put up in boys' defence kept them at a safe distance.

"Focus! What do you do... what do you do, when you're trying to get a cat to get in the water?" For all he knew, it was easy enough with dogs, Victor used to love baths just as much as getting his hair cut or chewing rubber ducks. "Maybe if I just get out and try to talk to him, and be really cheerful, and... " He felt a cold shiver running down his spine at the thought of how he other might react. "He'd probably say I'm being childish and ridiculous. This is humiliating. I haven't even talked to him yet, and I'm so embarrassed already." He looked at the clouds. The sun was still high in the sky. "I think... I need some more time to think it over."

"I... Yes! I just need to practice for a bit to calm myself down." Just like he always did. His gaze fell on a bunch of yellowish seaweed growing on a rock nearby. "I think this will do."

...

"Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck. Shit. How the fuck did this happen?! WHO DID THIS?" Yuri was seriously pissed off. Lying in the shadow of the big straw beach umbrella, covered with a towel, he cursed his mysterious prankster. Normally, Yuri wouldn't care. He would not. Give. A damn. He was Yuri Plisetsky, the foulmouth Russian punk, the first ice-skating senior-debut world champion-to-be, loved all over the world by skating otaku and cat enthusiasts alike (although he wouldn't show off with the last one, it still proved a point). Normally, he would normally walk into the water, the tan marks running across his chest embarrassing every person on the beach except for him.

But apparently nothing could be normal any more.

Yuri put his head under the towel to look again at his sunburned body. Yes, the tan lines created a _very_ clear pattern, almost fluorescent against the red tissue, in the semi-darkness of the improvised one-person private towel-fort. This was definitely not the way he would confess his feelings for the first person in a very long time that Yuri felt respect for.

He had his own plan. He would become the world champion in their category, and then, when they're on more even ground, expressing romantic interest for the other Yuri seemed like a more acceptable idea.

For now, he would wait. And throw a fit ,and curl up in a towel cocoon. Inside which it has been unbearably hot for a while now. The irony of the situation – what with his excuse that it's _kinda chilly_ that he made up on the spot when he noticed the disaster on his chest – annoyed him even further.

Speaking of which, if this moron stays out in the sun for much longer, he might get a heat stroke or something. Yuri looked around for the familiar black hair. He realised that, to his horror, it might be too late. Yuri Katsuki was standing a bit to the side of the people playing in the water, having a chat with a rock. A very personal chat, if his body language and blush were anything to go by.

Here Yuri decided that it was the time for drastic measures.

Not that he was jealous of the rock.

He was definitely. Not. Jealous. Of the rock.

Heat strokes can be very dangerous. It can even kill the brain. And although it shouldn't normally affect healthy young people, athletes are at a particular risk. Or something similar that Lilia lectured them about when Yuri determinately ignored the bottle of sunscreen she put in his bag.

But he thought the other Yuri dutifully put it on afterwards.

It wasn't even a good-looking rock, for fuck's sake.

...

Yuri was really getting the hang of it. "I can do this. Yeah, I might really be able to manage." The thought of impressing the other Yuri with his newly acquired confidence and small talk ability made him blush. "Oh, I mean, are you sure? Thank you, I, I don't know what to say." He looked from the corner of his eye at his crush-impersonating rock. "Although, there is something I wanted to ask for a long time now. Would you like to..."

He turned slightly to meet the gaze of the rock... and instead decided to keep turning as he noticed Yuri Plisetsky speeding towards him, insanity in his eyes, and the thought "HE'S GONNA FIND OUT. HE'LL KNOW I WANT TO INVITE HIM TO DINNER." crossed his mind, determined to do his best to keep his secret, Yuri turned another 30 degrees and finished the sentence, yelling:

"HAVE DINNER WITH ME!"

He didn't mean to turn the question into a command, but in the split second he had for thinking fast, he decided than rather than grammar intricacies, more important is that the person he eventually turned to could hear him. And, well, there was more than 5 meters distance between him and the closest person in the water. Closest besides Yuri Plisetsky, that is.

"But inviting Yuri on a date wouldn't hide that intention from him, would it?" retaliated Yuri's mind. Coming up with a comeback to that was, however, too much for Yuri's synapses.

...

"Dinner would be lovely."

"That would be great words to hear, I suppose, though... Yuri doesn't really seem the type to say something like that, right?" But... isn't he really hearing them? Yuri blinked a few times, starting to distinguish a familiar face from the blinding white.

He relaxed a bit as a familiar voice cut in: "He's still out of it, psycho."

That did suit the face a lot more.

Sky and sand appeared, and steady buzzing of people all around them on the beach filled the background. On his other side Yuri found a lovely, cheerful, smiling beach beauty, in which he recognised, to his horror, the most daring fan, the one who came back to the floor their rooms where on even after the earful Lilia Baranovskaya gave them, and was only discovered when Yuri went out to get a warm drink from the kitchen because he couldn't sleep. After hitting her with the door, where she was eavesdropping, even warm milk with ginger wouldn't help.

"Before that, let's go shopping." she said, and added, not waiting for an answer, "don't worry, I have so many ideas for outfits for you. We'll find one that matches my dress _and_ hides that baby fat of yours."

...

A good-looking foreigner was contemplating the results while looking at the cheerful composition of colours the layers of his drink created while mixing. Someone else could assess the situation as a failure of his first match-making attempt, but he liked to focus on the bright side.

Some excitement to get the adrenaline going, a love confession, and a dinner proposition. Addressed to the wrong person, perhaps, but otherwise, very successful.

Victor's head was full of ideas.

And summer days are long.


	2. Chapter 2

'Watch where you're splashing, you damn brat!' he yelled at twelve-year old losing balance on the flat shore.

'Sorry, man!' the kid grinned, standing up. 'Why are you so sad? Do you need any help?'

He was the one looking like he needed help. And Yuri wasn't sad, he was pissed. And hungry. And he definitely didn't need any help from clumsy little children. Or anybody else. He could manage well all on his own, thank you very much. Yuri turned around and spotted just what he's been looking for.

The nearby beach bar 'Under the Slimy Tentacle' was the one that had some catering deal with the sports club organizing their vacation. They were meant to add whatever they're having to the bill. They didn't mention any price limit, and Yuri was sure going to take advantage of it. Several tables stood outside the bar, and all were taken, indicating that the food wasn't too mean, either. Feeling uplifted, Yuri crossed the treshold of the restaurant and looked at the menu above the counter. Then, he looked again. Then, he walked up to the counter and picked up a menu, hoping that there would me more dishes offered in there.

As he expected, the card did not offer a single dish free of sea food. Is it really too much to ask for a simple fish and fries? Normally he wouldn't really mind some oysters or sea snails, but did they all have to be named so… so… _weird_?

'Excuse me.' he said to the guy at the bar, dressed in a pink Hawaiian shirt and with a flower chain around his neck.

'Can I get the oysters without- without the sauce?'

The man raised the brim of his big straw hat (who wears hats inside?) to look at him solemnly.

"Oysters?'

'Oysters!'

Bar tender's expression remained blank for a long moment.

'Ah! You mean, Mary's juicy clam!' yelled the man, in a voice that was annoyingly cheerful, and devoid of any honest feeling of sudden realisation. 'Aaah, the clam.' he repeated in a satisfied voice. 'But it would be a sin to take away Mary's juice! It wouldn't be a juicy clam any more, now, would it? And it really comes together best like this. Of course the oysters have their own natural secretions but...'

'Anyway' Yuri cut in hurriedly. 'Can I have several of them, and no sauce, and...'

'Oh, for your friends?'

'What? No, I mean, what the fuck do you care, I'm hungry!'

'Then have no worries. Mary's clam will certainly be enough to satisfy your young appetite.'

All Yuri had to offer was an exasperated deadpan.

The man's flair never diminished, though.

'It comes with a magnificent beard, which is also edible. It's the most satiating dish. Those beefy, sturdy meat layers sliding on your tongue, filling your mouth completely!' Bar tender's eyes became starry.

Yuri's stomach did a flip. However hungry he might be, no. Just, no. Not today.

'How about just fries?' he said.

'Without a slippery dick on the side?'

…

Salty breeze helped him feel a bit less sick.

'Hey, how did it go, bro?'

Yuri did not grace the question with an answer. Instead, he took another long breath.

'HEY, HOW ARE YOU- '

'-FINE! Why don't you go mind your fucking business, kid, I'm doing just great!'

Silence.

In which Yuri's stomach gave a loud growl.

…

'I think you're hungry.'

'No shit, you think?'

'Want me to take your order?'

Yuri's mind paused. Could that work?

'You don't wanna go in there. The guy behind the bar is nuts.'

The kid smiled.

'Don't worry, I can handle him. And for my new friend I could even try to get a bargain.' the boy winked at him.

Friend?

Am I really going to let this idiot wink at me like that?

Never mind, escaping starvation is top priority right now.

'Fine. I don't need any discounts, just bring me the food.'

The boy started running towards the bar without even asking what dish Yuri wanted.

'No way.' - he turned to yell - 'I wouldn't want you to pay the full price for both meals, bro.'

Little fucker. Yuri almost wanted the younger boy to fail so that he could see his confidence taking a hit.

…

Surprisingly, the kid was successful. Yuri was mildly impressed, and a little bit suspicious. He had no time to waste on deliberations while hungry, though. Fish and fries were so delicious he could almost cry. At first he thought it was only because of how starving he'd been. As his stomach was filling up, however, the food still tasted amazing. It almost explained how this place was so popular. He raised his eyes at the restaurant again.

'Uh, hmm...'

The boy looked up from his plastic plate.

'That guy at the bar… you… can handle him?'

The other smiled slyly.

'Trying to polish your social skills, bro? I figured you'd need that.'

The brat picked a good moment, Yuri's mouth was full. 'One more word and you're dead, midget.' was waiting to be said but as he swallowed, Yuri was overcome by a rare moment of reflection.

He looked at the boy.

'Yes.'

…

A good-looking customer in sunglasses rolled the tiny umbrella between his fingers. It has been the decoration of the drink he'd just been served.

'That's some fun you've had.'

'What can I say. It does take a lot to shut up someone used to getting their way by yelling at everyone.'

'Well. Whether those two got any future together rides mostly on whether Yurio learns to be a bit less self-focused.'

'That's pretty funny, coming from you.' Viktor sipped loudly on his drink, undisturbed. The bar tender leaned conspiratorially against the counter. 'What about the other one?'

'Ah, the other one is an opposite case. He needs to gain some confidence rather than loose it.'

'A shy one? Are you sure _that_ would the best way to help him out?'

The customer smiled widely.

'Absolutely. It will be totally taken care of, no need to doubt my skills as a professional Russian matchmaker, Kyou-san.'

'What does your nationality have to do with-'

Viktor started to choke on his drink as he got an amazing idea. When done, he smiled widely.

'Actually, why not make it make it a game?'


End file.
